Shadowed Love
by Dark Eden
Summary: Duo is lost into a chimical world. Drugs and alchool seems to be all he has left after the departure of Herro to who he never had the chance to tell his feelings. And it seems there is only one person that can brign him back from his delirium. Warning: ya


Author's note: This whole story is my first yaoi lemon. I can't believe I did it! That's my friend Lain who's gonna be happy! So like I said, if you read my bio, this is not the first fanfic I write. It's actually my 7th or 8th, I'm not sure. I was a popular writer under my other name but I wanted to create another one who would write only for yaoi and other kind of odd stories. I must say that the pairing in this fanfic is not my favourite, honestly I have a hard time believing in it but I did my best to make it good and sweet. I hope you guys are going to love it cause I worked really hard on it. The proof, it's 5:30 am and I'm still up! So you better be kind and leave me a review so I can know that I did it write. I'm telling you this is my first yaoi, and I kinda felt clumsy in the end… I really it turned out good. Oh and before I leave you to the reading, I must ask you to be understanding for the grammar and spelling mistakes. English is not my first language and I'm just a lasy girl who don't want to bother asking someone to check them for me… sorry ^-^(). Ok, now you're free to read.

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing is not mine, it belongs to Sunrise and whoever else have the rights over it. I'm just using their character for my own wicked pleasure and of course for the enjoyment of all the readers out there. So don't even think about suing me, I'm broke anyway, barely enough to by three manga! T-T

Warnings: This fic is not for children. It contains lots of adult situation and the use of illicit substances. Mature audience only and if you are underage than please tell you parents if they finds out that I am in no way responsible of you or the things you are reading, thank you.

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Shadowed Love 

By Dark Eden

If to love is supposed to be a bliss…?

Why must so many suffer from it…?

He sat there, staring at nothing, his purple eyes redden from the things he had been taking lately and the sleep he had been missing. He did not felt the cold, or the wind blowing his long hairs into a mindless waltz in the air. He did not see the sky, glowing with its moon pendent or the twinkling of the stars. Deaf to the soothing whispers of the wind and the chaotic sound of the cars circulating along the snaking roads down there. The roof was for him the perfect hind spot. The only place where he could do his thing away from the disapproving eyes. He had enough of Quatre's sorrowful expression each time their gaze would met, enough of Trowa's sighs, enough of Wufei's sarcastic and hurting words about his weakness, enough of everything…

Here on his roof, no one would look at him with pity, or sigh or say something about his behaviour. Beside him laid a needle and a rubber band, in his hand he held a bottle of some cheap bear which he drank without even tasting it, too lost into his world of disillusions. When did this whole thing started? Must be about a year ago. When every bit of war possibilities ended with the down of the Eve war and everyone settled back into their own things. But not him, he felt empty after that. He tried to stop it by joining the Preventers but it was just a joke, honestly he hoped that HE would be there as well. However after one month and no sight of him, he just left. That's when he started to drink, trying to forget everything, mostly this ache he had in his chest. He thought that it was something else, maybe some kind of post traumatises after the wars and all but, it was just a fat lie. It was all because of him, his absence. 

He know he had stayed on earth, near the Cinq Kingdome for a while, looking over Relina or something, but he just stop hearing about him. No letters, no phone calls, no nothing. So he tried his best not to think about it, but no use, and the more he tried, the deeper he fell into that black hole that the alcohol gave him. Some way to free his mind, but when he would wake up in the morning, the pain would come back, ten times over. And soon it was not enough, so he started to look for something more radical, with a quicker effect on him, something to make him lose all senses over everything. At first, it was not as hard as this, it was somehow funny, but soon he got even more addicted. When the effects would ware off, he had to take more, so it would last longer and it would be stronger. And then that stop working, he was used to the toxins, his body completely immunised. 

It did not take him that much time to fall on the hard things, those chemicals that would kill if taken in too much dosage. But he did not cared, he needed it, the world that those things would bring him to was so pleasant, so full of peace and nothingness. Everything he needed lay there. It was just an illusion, but a strong one, a realm of dreams coming true for the time you were high. No one understood the state he was in, no one would. And here he was, on the rooftop, a bottle of beer in hand, a needle by his side and a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. He was observing the way time would pass. The way colors would get mixed in his brain and appear in his eyes, the way the world seem so simple and pleasing in that bubble of chemical hallucinations. 

He took a sip of his alcoholic liqueur, starting to taste it and grimacing at its bitterness. With a shaking head he reach for his cigarettes, lifting one to his face and lighting it up. He took a puff and watched the smoke fly in the air, taking some kind of weird shapes in blue and grey as the wind wished to show him. It looked like a dragon, a snake sliding around him in a slow, evasive sway. He saw the aches drift around, falling softly to the ground, like in slow motion, to become a pile of black and grey dirt on the ground. All around him, butts of smoked cigarettes, old papers, drench by the rain that had felled not so long ago. Strange, he did not notice it, but he was wet from head to toes. He did not care, why would he, he was too far away to really think of the impact of water and cold temperature. If he was to be sick, than so be it. He was too lost to think about any kind of consequences. 

"Whatever may come, comes…" he murmured, not aware of the fact that he said it out loud.

He took another puff of smoke, filling his lugs with the nicotine that doubled the effect of what he just injected in his blood. He look down, his wet hairs falling from his shoulder, ah, when did he braided them, he thought he had let them loose this time? It did not really mattered. Nothing else mattered now. The only thing important was that he did not feel anything but artificial bliss. The madness of the one whom lost all of his senses to the toxins of implicit substances. If the other would see him now… if he would see him now, what would he think of him? That he was pathetic, that he was a total moron, an idiot falling into easiness? Why should he care, he did not felt the pain anymore.

Time passed and he watched it go away as if watching cloud pass over his head, colored waves of brain tricks cause by the compounds running through his veins. Maybe it was time for him to go back inside. His cigarette had burned off in his hand, he never felt the pain of the fire on his fingers. He just threw it away and lit another one. Taking the last sip of his now hot beer, he got rid of the bottle, vaguely hearing it crash on the ground, down the four story high building. He stumbled his way to the door leading to the inside, almost falling down the stairs as he made his trembling way down to his apartment. 

The place was messy, dirty closes and countless bottles of alcoholic drinks marked the floor. There were used needles on the counter in the kitchen, on the table near the door and at the foot of his mattress that served him as a bed. A tiny two rooms apartment with only one window, ashtrays and butts of cigarettes everywhere. The smell of smoke covered the whole place and there was a cloud of smoke hovering above the floor. He walked to his bed, he put out his cigarette right on the table, missing the ashtray from a good feet and making a black spot, the smell of burned wood came to his nostrils but he just waved it away crashing on his bed. He stared at the ceiling, knowing perfectly well that his clothes were wet and drenching his bed but he did not care. 

Time passed and the sun rose and he stayed awake, feeling his senses coming back to him. He got up, not wanting to start thinking again and walked to the refrigerator. It was old and yellow from the smoke that drifted in the room and reacted with the white of the metal. The thing was too small to contain enough food for him, not that he ate that much anymore, and it only enclosed beers, bottles and cans. He took a bottle and went back to his bed but sat on a chair instead. Opening it, he lit another cigarette, out of habit mostly than out of need for it. As he breathed in the nicotine, someone knocked at his door. He ignored it, he did not want to see anyone. But the knocking persisted, and he still did not move, too lasy or too ashamed to show himself to the person behind it. That was underestimating the persistence and care of that person and soon the door was opened and a blond head picked through.

"Duo? Are you in here?" said the intruder.

He did not say anything, only took a puff of his cigarette and blowing the smoke out of his lugs a few seconds after. The new comer entered without any invitation, knowing perfectly that the braided pilot would not answer him or tell him to leave until he felt he had to. But he suspected that he was too far away in his made-up universe to even register the fact that he had just penetrated his house. He shook his head, it pained him to see his friend reduced to such a state of disillusion. He wished he could find a way to find the real Duo back, the one who only think with his stomach and always made him and his comrade laugh, even if for some it was just inside their minds. He had tried, more than anyone else, he just could not bare to see someone in need but he was a dead case. Only the one he was loathing over had the power to get him back to his senses.

"Duo… what have you done…?" the blond ex-pilot murmured his gaze floating over the mess his friend apartment had become.

Sure, his braided friend had never been the neatest person in the universe but this… this was just too dirty even for the old Duo. Tears willed up to his blue eyes but he forced them away, not wanting to upset him. He was very irritable when he was coming back from his high ways. He walked slowly toward him, passing over clothes and bottles, trying not to trip over them. He saw him take a big swallow from a bottle of beer and tap his burning cigarette letting the ashes fall carelessly to the floor. He sighed, how he wished he could help him get out of this hell he had created. But he would not let anyone get close to him anymore, telling them to 'fuck off' and live him alone to deal things his way. The problem was that it was not like him at all to take care of those things like that. No one ever thought Duo would sink this low.

"Duo… you can't keep it up like this. You'll kill yourself if you don't do anything!" Quatre pleaded.

"You think I'd care?" his voice was rasp from the cigarettes his been smoking and maybe other things.

"The Duo I know would care."

"Forget him… that guy as died long ago…" he said looking down.

"No his not! Duo you're stronger than that, don't give up so easily. It's not like you," the blond man exclaimed trying to put some sense into his friend's mind.

Duo glared at him, he would not let himself be talked off like that. He got rid of his cigarette, putting it in the ashtray for once and got on his feet. He stared directly into Quatre's eyes, his own burning red from fatigue and the substances he's been taking. 

"You don't have any idea what I'm going through so just fuck off and forget about me. I don't need your pity or your help! I have enough of your stupid tries to make me stop. Damn can't you see that it doesn't work! So why don't you just give up and leave me the hell alone!" he screamed, angry with him and himself.

"I can't…" the smaller man started.

"Forget it. Just get the fuck out of here!" Duo cut him off walking pass him to his bed, laying on it as soon as he was there his back turned to him.

"Duo…"

He stared at him for a while but he knew that he would just ignore him or tell him off once again. Sadden, feeling as if he had been beaten, Quatre turn around and left the room, closing the door behind him. In the hallway, he heard Duo swear and tears rose to his eyes again. What could he do? How could he save him? How can you save someone whom just do not want to be save? The Arabian man walked out of the building and got into a car that was waiting for him. On the driver side, Trowa looked at him with sad eyes, his expression asking him silently how it went but when he saw his lover's face, he understood that it was as useless as each time he came. 

"Quatre…"

"It's ok Trowa… I just wish I could find a way to help him but he just don't want our help."

"You know who can help him…" he said starting the engine. 

"I know but, no one knows where he is!" the blond exclaimed almost sounding angry.

Trowa sigh. He too wanted to help Duo but he would just no listen to anyone. Even Relina had tried to put some sense into him only to be rudely told off. It sadden each and every of them, even Wufei has been surprised to learn that he had fell into such a hard depression. Everyone who knew him was surprised of his reaction. At first they thought it would pass with time but he started to drink and drug himself running away from his problems. This was not like him at all. Wufei started to say that he was his fault, that he was just too weak but he just said that to vent his frustration. Duo was a good friend to them all. His humour and weird ways had help them all through the war so imagine their surprise when they learned about his new behaviour. Now, all hope rested on his return, but no one knew when he would come back, if he ever does…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It has been a while since we had been here, almost a year. He had not seen the other pilots for so long, had not heard about their whereabouts for the time he was away. He did not wished to have any contact with them. He left for one purpose only, get some time to think, alone, and away from all the commotion other people could cause. It's not that he hated them but he was not the socialist type and he was never at ease when other livings were surrounding him. All his life, he had only one target, one goal, finish his mission and die doing it. But a miracle happened and he did not pass away, even as hard as he tried to. When he had been certain that no treat would come, he just left without saying a word, needing this time away from everything. He had to find a new way, a new road to take, something to give a somewhat meaning to his life. It took him some time but he realised that all he could do with himself now that the peace was returned was to help keeping it. 

And there he was, facing the leader of the peace holding organisation. Lady Une looked at him with an astonish expression on her usually straight face. She could not believe her eyes, he was back, ready to work under the covers of the Preventers again. This would surely surprise the others when they will find out. She shook her head, clearing away the signs of shock and got up from her chair, resting her pencil on the desk. She looked him up and down, as if trying to make sure it was truly him. He only stood there, as stiff as a tree, looking directly at her, his eyes as silent as they always were. He had not changed that much, maybe he was a bit taller, or it was an illusion due to the decoration of her office. 

"I am quite taken aback, Heero. I never thought you would come back," she said.

"As you can see. All I'm asking is if you can take me, if not I'll just leave now…" he responded his voice and words just as clear and monotone as it always was.

"We do have a job for you, the same as all the pilots do, if it suits you…"

"Than I'll take it," he simply answered.

"It's a real pleasure to have you back, Heero," she greeted him, a small smile on her face. "Go to the first level, I think the others are all there, they will be glad to see you again."

He simply nodded and took his leave from the large office. He was not sure if he really wanted to see the others now, but on the other hand it would be great to see familiar faces once again. He passed many doors and corridors, this placed looked like a maze, confusing and everything looked the same. The walls where all the same dull white and the doors all the same size and colour. He turned another corner and heard voices, familiar voices, coming from a half-closed door.

"Damn that woman…" said an angry one.

"What did she do again?" asked another one, toneless almost lifeless.

"She asked me to make some stupid reports. She knows how mush I hate paper works!" exclaimed the first one.

"I think you like her…" uttered a more joyous one.

"Shut up, Quatre!"

He heard snickers and held up giggles. He smiled to himself, his lips slightly curving up, something only experimented eyes would remark. He brushed it off his face and took hold of the metallic knob and slowly pushed the door open. When he stepped in, everything grew silent and almost uneasy. Wufei stared at him silently dropping the phone he was holding in his right hand. Quatre gaped at him with wide eyes and opened mouth, not believing what he was seeing. Trowa only looked at him and smirked ever so lightly and looked away again only to smile a little wider when his gaze fall on Quatre's expression. Heero closed the door, not saying a thing, waiting for some vocalised reaction from the group. It came soon, a quiet welcoming from Trowa.

"Hey Heero, long time no see…"

"Yeah…" the young man answered taking a chair beside the green-eyed pilot.

"He… Heero! Where have you been!" said Quatre finally getting back to his senses.

"Away."

"You know you left us with a big mess here!!!" exclaimed Wufei as angry as ever.

"Wufei! Now's not the time," softly intervened the blond ex-pilot.

Heero looked at them, suddenly every one seemed to be sad or loathing over something. This was strange, what happened while he was away. He was sure that no big mission had come up, he always kept in touch with the information the head quarters would have, even those that were of no importance to peace or the Earth and colonies. That's when he realised that someone was missing. How could he missed this, he was hoping to see him here after all. When he had passed some time here after the last incidents, after Wufei, he was the most dedicated person to the cause of the Preventers. He had to ask, to know if anything was wrong with him, if he was alright of if he was just on some kind of mission he had not heard of yet.

"Where's Duo?"

"Um…" murmured Quatre looking down, his blue eyes clouded.

The two others looked at him with the same upset expression on their young faces. Something was wrong here. He stared at Quatre, being the most expressive of them all, he could easily read him and tell what was wrong from the look of his eyes and the angle of his mouth. But this time the feeling was impossible to read or interpret. His eyes wondered from the blond to Trowa who was expressionless if not to that sad glitter in his eyes and than he passed his gaze over the Chinese man who had given up his upset state to a more sorrowful one. Heero felt lost in for almost the first time of his life, he had no clue as what was going on at all. What happened to Duo? Was he… dead? After some dreaded silence, Trowa took it on himself to explain the situation.

"About a year or so ago, he felt into what we thought was a depression caused by the end of the war. We all went through that, so we thought it was normal and that he would overcome it easily but… It got worst," his voice was quiet barely above a whisper.

"The guy started to drink and to behave unlike any of us saw him before," continued Wufei.

"Than he started to take those… 'things' and he became someone else. He stopped working here, stopped talking to us and just shut himself from everyone. We tried as hard as we could to get him out of it, even Relina tried but nothing. He just continued, taking stronger drugs and drinking and smoking…" finished Quatre, tears lingering to his soft eyes.

Heero stared at them, finding nothing to say, feeling lost. How could this be possible? Duo had always be the cheerful guy, always making jokes out of serious situation, making a foul of himself at time but always keeping their spirit up and making them feel less weary from the battles. He could not believe it, not util he would see it from his own eyes!

"Where is he?"

"I don't think you would like to see him the way he is right now…" disapproved Trowa.

"Where is he?" he repeated more clearly and determined than the first time.

"Here, it's the his address but I'm warning you, he is not the Duo you knew, just a shadow of the man he was…" said Quatre writing something on an piece of paper and handing it over to the worried 01 ex-pilot.

Heero took the paper and read it over than shoved it into his pocket. He turned his back from them all and left the room. Inside, everyone was quite, a sense of dread waved over the three men like an eerie fog of fear and anxiety. They looked at one other and shook their heads. The young Arabian sigh evilly, swallowing his grief and looking at Trowa for some kind of support. He smiled weakly at him, a smile he reserved only for him and put a comforting hand over the one of his lover. Wufei just looked away, shaking the feelings out of him and crouched down to pick up the phone he had dropped. All they hoped was the Heero would succeed where they all failed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

After fifteen minutes of driving, Heero arrived at the old, dirty building Quatre had indicated him. He could no believe Duo would live there. It was in such a dilapidated state, almost falling apart. The once red bricks had turned into a greyish pink, many windows were broken and patched with journal paper or brown box cardboard. A child was sitting on the cemented stairs leading to the principal door, his clothes dirty and torn, many bruises covered the youth's face. He looked at him with anxiety and rapidly pushed away from him when Heero started to climb the stairs. This was not a place to raise children, this was not a place to live period. And Duo was in there, somewhere.

The inside was even worst than the outlook, the tills of the floor were covered in mud, the once white and blue were now brown and half of them were broken or simply missing. The paper on the walls were tinted with yellow from the humidity that had filtered through the wholes of the windows and the doors, the wall were cracking at some places showing the plywood and even at some places the electric wires eaten by the vermin infesting the building. He hard a man shouting and the cries of a woman, the braking of glasses and other fragile material. A door was loudly shut closed, a child yelled, a baby cried, a phone rang, Heero felt as if he had entered some kind of hell whole and witnessing the dismay of the persecuted souls. This place should be destroyed, and their locates replaced to more comfortable places, it was a pity to see them all in such a predicament. 

He slowly and carefully climbed the worn out steps up to the third level where Duo's apartment was supposed to be located. In the corridor, papers and garbage of all kind littered the floor. The lights on the ceiling seemed not to be sure if they were supposed to lit the place or darken it, flicking on and off with each step the young man was taking. He finally reached it, door 26, the home of a disturbed man. He knocked once, waited for a few seconds for an answered and knocked a second time when no one came. Still no respond. Worried, he took hold of the knob and twisted it to the right. A surprised expression appeared on his face when he realised that the door was not looked. Overcoming his shock, he carefully pushed the door open, peering inside, looking for the familiar form of Duo Maxwell. 

There was garbage, filthy clothes, empty bottles and cigarettes buds everywhere. The little furniture that was there was damaged or burned at some places, buried under layers of papers and ashtrays or rotten leftovers of passed meals. A humid almost mouldy air surrounded the room followed by the smell of a smock cloud hovering at waist level. Near a small window was a mattress, covered by old smelling sheets, beside that bed he could see little plastic bags laying discarded on the floor and near those bags, a few needles, forgotten or just left there. The floor was yellow and brown at places caused by the accumulating dirt but mostly of it was covered by the rest of the stuff sitting on the floor, waiting for someone to take them and finally be cleaned. But among all those things, no sight the braided man.

He walked around the room, moving away the things on the floor with his feet, trying not to trip over these things or braking something. In the kitchen, the sink was filled with dishes, dirty and he thought he saw a cockroach or too fleeing from the corner of his eye. There was a small, hardly working refrigerator, heating the room to almost suffocating hot, he hardly believed that the thing could keep the aliment fresh and in good condition. He open the thing, hearing the hinges complaining. It was filled with only alcoholic drinks and in the corner a carton of milk, apparently having passed the date of expiration judging by the way the liquid was slowly oozing out of it. He almost wanted to vomit. How could he sank this low!? This was in no way the Duo he had known, not the joyous positive and yet sometime pessimist man he had meat during the war and learned to consider as a friend.

As he was thinking this, he heard the door being opened and violently closed, soon followed by curses and swears of any kind. He watched Duo enter the room, a bag in hand which he left on the table. He walked toward his bed and reached to the night table beside it. He sought through the first drawer and took a tiny glass bottle out of it filled with a transparent liquid. With his other hand, he took a robber band and a needle from the floor. Sitting on the fortune bed, he attached the band around his left arm, filled the needle with the container of the bottle and proceeded to inject it into himself.

Astonished, Heero flew out of the kitchen and took the needle away from him and punched him in the face. The other man head turned to the right and a swear escaped his mouth. Duo put a trembling hand on his throbbing cheek and turned his gaze filled with hatred and anger toward the imbecile who dared attack him and take his precious 'medicine' away. But when he saw who it was, he stopped, frozen in place, not believing what his eyes were showing him. Thinking of an hallucination at first, he finally understood that he was truly there, holding the needle with his left hand, his eyes shut and expressionless as he always remembered him, his face flawless and completely devoid of any kind of felling. Anger rose again within him, if it was not only for the need he had for the liquid inside the syringe he had deprived him off, it was also from the anger of Heero seeing him in the state he was, weak and insane with need.

"Who do you think you are! Give me that back!" he yelled.

"No."

"Give it to me Heero or you're going to regret it!"

"No," he kept saying.

"You asked for it!"

With that he jumped at him, the need overcoming common sense and pushing him to commit acts he would never even think about doing. He grabbed him at the waist, making him lose his balance and the two of them fell to the floor with a big thug. Heero lost his hold of the needle, the object falling away from them, out of their reach. But he would not stop there, how dare he come back into his life and took his things away, he was going to pay for his crime. Getting back on his behind, Duo raised a fist and hit the other man as hard as he could. Surprised and a bit shaken from the fall, he could not avoid it and felt the push hit him hard on the jaw, but not as hard as it should have been. Lost into his tantrum, the braided man was about to hit him again but he sized the fist with one hand, looking directly into his redden eyes, hot with anger and despair. He tried with his other hand but he caught it in the same way, felling how weak he had become. With less effort than he thought would be necessary, the Wing pilot pushed him off of him using his legs. Duo fell on his back, eyes wide, staring at Heero who had gotten up and was now towering him, looking down at him with a strange look in his eyes, was it sorrow or pity…

"If it's to pity me that you came back, than leave now, I don't fucking need it!"

"I'm not here for that, Duo…"

But he was not listening anymore, his eyes were fixed on the forgotten nozzle laying on the floor near the table. Heero noticed it and with a quick movement, he squashed the thing with his feet. The sound of braking plastic was heard and the liquid spilled on the floor, turning to some disgusting grey colouring, following the uneven paths of the floor and forever lost and never to be used again. He watched the display, fuming in rage and crave for that freedom and liberation the drug could give him. All this time, the stronger man looked at him, his face blank and almost shadowed, not leaving a trace of what he was thinking for him to see. With a cry, Duo got on his feet and tried to hit him again but he was faster and had all his senses. He got hold of him and pushed him roughly on the bed, using both of his hands to keep the struggling man in control. 

Tears came to his purple orbs, feeling the futility of all his weaken movement but not wanting to give up so easily. He tried to push him off with his feet but the other one held on tightly, moving his legs over his so he would not be able to move at all. Despair got to him, he needed it so badly, he thought he was going to die if he did not take it. But he was tired, so tired and had not the power to move. His movement ceased, but his tears would not go away this easily, the pain inside was just too much to keep it in any longer. It was useless, he had lost, once again, Heero was the stronger of the two. He always won, always got what he wanted while he was forced to take the leftovers.

"I won't let you get another of those things even if I must spend my whole life doing it," the shorthaired man murmured, his voice silent and monotone. 

"Why… why are you doing this to me…?"

"Because you don't deserve to be lost into illusions, the Duo I know is stronger that that."

With that, he let go of him, getting up the bed and turning his back to him. Duo watched him, his back straight and empowered with will and determination. How much had he missed him, that strength, that silent presence that was the proof that everything was possible and that no mission was too hard to be left unfinished? How much had he missed that voice, strong and warm, lifting his heart and soul? He had dreamt of his return, wishing to hear the sound of that voice again, to see that strength and be close to him once again. And now that he was there, all he could do was thinking about taking another shoot, just because he left and that he was not able to bare his departure and the distance keeping them apart. He felt weak and useless, if only he could get that shoot, he would not feel so helpless anymore, it would give him some strength and the courage to talk to him.

He looked down at the floor, seeing one of his used needle laying there, at arm's length, begging him to take it and fill it, to taste his blood and flesh once again and to give him that fantasy world he desired so dependently. His weaken mind left him no choice, it was as if the drug was thinking for him, and now that his blood did not had enough of it, it was crying for more. Begging painfully for a new dose, a strong one, one that would make him forget everything, even Heero's presence. Yes, one last, after that one, he would stop it all, now that he was back into his life, he didn't need to forget him anymore. But he wanted to have a last taste of the feelings this thing could give him, and he did not had the power to say no. 

The bottle was still on the desk beside him, waiting to be useful again. Moving slowly, and keeping his eyes on the other occupant of the room, he took hold of it. Then, he let his hand snake on the floor, reaching for the syringe. Once the object in hand, he held it tightly and filled it hastily, not wanting to be caught before he was done with it. The rubber band was still in place, during their fight, he had not taken it off, and still ready for the purpose it was given. Quick, he pushed the needle in, seeing Heero's head turning around to look at him, but he was too late to stop him. The drug had already left the confines of its container and was now running freely through the man's body. He let out a sigh of contentment and let his head drop to the pillow.

Heero watched in horror his companion abandoning himself to the effects of the drug. His face and eyes losing any sight of awareness, slowly drifting away from reality. Anger griped his guts and a sickness rose to his mouth. He was angry with himself dropping his guard so fast. He knew that addicted people did not just need a good punch in the face but also strict and rigid surveillance. He only observed Duo flying away from Earth, leaving everything behind and giving away into easiness. He felt as if all this was his fault, that he was the reason why Duo had felt into the trap of drugs and alcohol and their false friendship. If only he knew…

"Duo, you're a foul! You think this is a solution? It's far from it…" he whispered.

The only respond he got was a fit of laughter and giggles from the distend man. Determination got back to him and he took the bottle from his hands. He just looked at him, not really realising what he was doing, thinking of some kind of illusion or just not seeing him, too lost into his own made up world. Heero glared at him, his Prussian eyes almost burning but strangely soft and understanding. He looked at the content in his hand. The translucent liquid, seeming inoffensive and almost innocent, waving with his movement. Following the laws of gravity. Shaking his head, he threw the thing out of the window. Duo laughed again, not knowing that this was happening in reality.

"I'll use this time while you're gone into your selfish word to get rid of all those damn addictions of yours…"

With that said, he walked to the kitchen. Opened the refrigerator and stormed through it, taking out all beer bottles and can and other alcoholic drinks. He looked through the armoires, fetching the wine, tequila, rum and other heavily alcoholism liqueur and putting them on the counter. One by one, he emptied them in the sink, getting rid of everything that might be dangerous for the other after he would go down again. Once finished, he took a look and Duo, he was sitting on the bed, a cigarette in one hand, his eyes lost to some chemical reveries. He walked toward him and stop once he reached his side. He looked at him for some time and than started to speak.

"I don't know how long this thing last but I'm going out. I'll be back in 15 minutes or so. Just don't move from here, wait for me…"

He didn't say anything, just continued staring at nothing. He didn't know if he had heard him or if he was simply ignoring him. He sighed again, feeling almost useless and losing the control but he had to do it. For his sake. Turning around, he took a chair before leaving. He wanted to make sure Duo would not be able to get out of there before he came back. This was a necessity. It was for his safety. He blocked the door from the outside, wishing no one would remove it from there and left the building in a hurry. He bought some food, fruits, vegetables and meat from a store near and came back in less than fifteen minutes. 

When he came back, the chair was still in place and Duo was still motionless by the window, though he looked less lost and out of it than he was when he left him. Putting the bags in the now empty refrigerator, he thought of looking for the remaining of drugs that would be hidden around the room. His first target was the night table by the bed. He opened the first drawer and saw five other bottles exactly the same as the one he threw out. There were small plastic bags filled with some white powder and a pot of something he suspected to me marijuana. He took the whole thing and moved to the window. Heero stared at the once called Shinigamy, now closer to only death than god. Looking into his eyes, he stretched his arm out of the window, all the drugs he had found in his hand watching Duo's reaction as he suddenly let them all fall to the ground. 

His eyes widen in horror and he tried to reach from them, almost ready to jump down to recuperate them. But the perfect soldier held him there, letting him watch his entire disillusion fly away from him. He tried to free himself from the stronger hold but it was no use and soon, he let himself fall sat on the bed. Heero's expression was blank and dark. He leaned against the window, crossed his arms over his chess and stared at him. Duo felt anger rise within him once again, ready to kill him for what he done, hating him almost. But he did not let him the time to move or say anything, he took out a gun and point it directly at his head.

"If you try to get out of here, I'm telling you, I'm going to pull the trigger. If it's the only way to get some damn sense into your fucking head, I'll do it," his tone was soft yet convincing. 

"Why the hell did you do that for! Do you know how that stuff cost me!" he exclaimed.

"Do you think I care?"

"…" he did not answer, only turned his head in the other direction.

"Now eat this and shut up."

Heero handed him an apple. He only stared at it as if not remembering what food was but took it after a while. The other man put his gun away, almost certain that he would not have to use it again. The charger was empty but it was a good tool to convince people, no one really wanted to die. He had learned that through the war. Many would face death as if they only wished to embrace it but in the end, they just yearning to live to see another day. That was how human kind was made, the desire to live was stronger than anything else unless one would be lost enough to think that death was a solution. Just like Duo thought of his chemicals. 

About two hours after, Duo went into some kind of madness. He was looking everywhere to find something to get him high. Each time he would find something, Heero would take it away from him, by using the weapon or just knocking the wind out of his lungs and taking it to get rid of it just as soon as he put his hand on it. Soon, nothing was left and the braided man was suffering, crying and begging for death to come and take him. He was screaming, shaking from all the parts of his body. Some times hot and sweating, he would saying incoherent things. After 6 hours, he felt into a complete madness, swearing and cursing at everything.

"You don't fucking know how this feel Heero Yuy! It hurts like hell! And all this because of you, fucking bastard!"

"Calm down," he simply said.

"Calm down? Calm down! If you were feeling what I'm having at this goddamn moment you wouldn't tell me to calm down but begging me to give you a damn fucking shot!"

"…"

"Answer me, damned mother fucker! Do you fucking know how I'm fucking feel! Damn Heero… please, give me something, anything, I'll do whatever you want!" he started to beg.

"You're wasting you breath."

"Argh! Go to fucking hell Heero Yuy!"

With that he fell on his bed, shaking from head to toes, a hand over his eyes, shielding them from the light of the lamp. Heero just sigh, he was wondering when this would ever come to an end. He knew it was hard to be in need, it was eating him from the inside, his body and mind violently reacting to the lack of toxin it was used to, demanding for its usual dosage but being denied of it. An hour later, was shaking and sweating. He looked at him with plea in his eyes, asking for help silently. He was greatly suffering, his world spinning and his head hurting like it never hurt before. Tears of pain willed up in his purple and blood injected eyes. He thought he would die if he did not do something but he felt too weak to move, having barely enough strength to speak.

"I… s-so co-cold," he breathed between clacking teeth.

The once pilot got up form his chair and leaned over the bed. Taking hold of him by the shoulders, he helped him up and guided him to the bathroom where he put him in the bath, fully clothes. He turned the hot water and added some cold, not wanting to burn him. He left him there and went to find a towel and some dry clothes. After ten minutes of the treatment, he stopped the water and sat on the toilette, only staring at him. Duo did the same, his wet hairs falling over his face and eyes. Silence surrounded them for a few minutes and then the wet man looked down, opening his mouth to speak.

"Damn… all of this shit because you. I didn't know what to do when you left, I felt lost and lonely and I tried to find a way to get rid of all those feelings, to forget them. But each time it was not enough, I had to take more the next time. But it was just not fucking enough… I started to take things I never thought I would take, and it was still not enough, I would still think about you and feel just as lonely… No, it was not your fault, it was mine. Because I love you and I couldn't say it… I felt so damn lonely."

"Shut up and get dressed," was all Heero managed to say after a few minutes of silence. 

Two day passed, two days of suffering and pain until he was just to tired too stay awake or too weak to move. He had eaten almost nothing, and had stop talking too. His sense slowly got back to him and he realised where he was, taking in the dirtiness of all his surrounding. Heero had stayed by his side all the time. He had trouble remembering exactly what happen, everything that had taken place in the pass hours, days and month was like a blur to him. He remembered some parts of it, him shouting at Relina or Quatre or even Hilde. All of them had tried to help him but he would not listen to them. He knew that he had to apologise for his rudeness. Now there he was, laying on his bed, his head aching a bit but nothing compared to what he had felt like the last three days. 

He opened his eyes, seeing that it was night, only one light was on and it was the lamp on the night table near him. He searched the room for Heero but did not saw him anywhere. Maybe he had imagined all that stuff, maybe he had never came back and that he was so lost into his own made up world that he created his return. As he was thinking this, he saw him come out of the kitchen. He looked tired and worn out, almost exhausted. He felt bad, he knew this was all his fault. He must have stayed awake longer than needed just to watch over him and to make sure he would not do stupid thing. Heero looked at him and smiled a little almost invisible smile and walked toward him.

"You're coming back from a long way," he said.

"I'm feeling better, thanks man," he uttered in a low raspy voice.

"Here, take this," he stated handing him a glass of fresh water.

He took the offered glass and drank it down in almost one giant gulp. He gave him an appreciating smile and set the now empty glass on the desk. Moving his legs over the bed, he saw a needle that he had forgotten to get rid of. He took it in his hand, observing his shape and pointy end. Heero looked at him with an apprehensive eye, not too sure of what he would do, almost scared that all his hard work would be for nothing. Duo just smiled and threw the thing out of the window, just like he had done with all of his stuff three days ago. The other man let out a relived sigh, happy that he did not do anything that would have compromised the whole thing. 

"It's weird to think that I ever used that thing. All of this seemed to be like ten years ago. I don't even remember half of the things that happened. And I'm not even sure if half of my memories are true or just stupid things that drug did to me…" he murmured, a cloud of shame in his eyes.

"You said something while you were fasting…"

"If it was something bad I'm sorry man, I didn't mean it," he quickly said, fearing the worst.

"No. You said that you love me… Is that true?"

Duo was taken aback. He was so lost that he could not control his words and he must have said it without even thinking about it. He did not know what to answer, would he look like a total idiot if he said yes? Would he reject him and leave him to despair and the chaos of drugs and alcohol? Would he judge him and think that he is insane, that the things he had taken had left permanent damages to his brain? He was scared. Deadly scared of his reaction and all he could do was say nothing and just stare down at his feet. That's when Heero did the one thing he would never had even imagined he would do. 

He kneeled in front of him and took his face in his hands and, without uttering a word he kissed him, joining their lips together. He stared at him with wide eyes at first, not believing one minute this was happening. Than, slowly, he gave away into the warming feeling, just letting their mouths moved, sharing a blissful moment. Something he had dreamt of for so long, and it was happening. His heartbeat quickened, and he could not resist touching him, letting his arms circle his neck and pressing deeper into the embrace. But it was over too soon and Heero was moving away from him. Not wanting to let him go just yet, he pushed his lips back over his, tasting them and loving the feeling. 

Soon, what was a simple kiss turned deeper, mouth melting together, lips battling to taste the other better. Heero's hand moved from his face to slide over his back and torso, feeling intimately his muscles, awaking nerves and creating wonderful feelings upon his skin. Duo too, could not bear not to explore him, letting his hands slide over his shoulders and arms, through his hairs, down his neck. He felt wonderful, and to his touch and eyes, beautiful in all possible ways. But like the drugs, one touch was not enough, and he had been craving for this more than anything, he did not what it to stop. Nether seemed Heero, his hands became more needing and demanding, and he let him do whatever he wanted, needing and demanding this just as much as he did. 

Their mouth left the contact but only to look for more possibilities and tastes. Heero was nipping down his jaw and throat, loving the unique flavour of his flesh. The feeling was wonderful, entirely different from anything he ever experimented before. It was overwhelming and far more pleasurable than all those junks he had absorbed in his insanity. And just a little taste was not enough, he wanted more, needed more and wanted to give some too. His hand glided over his chest, finding the buttons of his shirt and flicking them off, one by one. His chest was now completely freed of the material and he could feel the real sensation of the skin hidden there finding it soft and smooth. Following the path of muscle up, he pushed the clothes off of his shoulder, falling to the ground. 

Heero's hand were just as active, seizing the rim of his shirt, he let his hands wonder underneath the material to feel the tender flesh beneath. He heard a sound coming out of Duo's mouth, telling he that he was appreciating this. He pushed it up and removed the shirt from him and resuming his kissing on his throat now free to go even lower to explore more sensations. He pushed him to the mattress, crawling up with him, covering his body with his own, feeling his skin brushing with his. His hands caressed his torso, falling slowly to his sides, following the line of flesh down to the waist and going up again. Duo was surrounded by new kinds of pleasurable feelings, taking much of his senses away in a way far more exhilarating than anything else was. He let his hands explore Heero's back, having never enough of the feeling of his skin. 

He felt the other pilot's mouth go even lower, kissing and nipping his nipple, hardening them and creating waves of pleasure. But he wanted to give too, not only receive it, so he took hold of his head and pulled it up to kiss his mouth deeply and feverishly. The longhaired man than pushed him so he was now laying under him and started to nip at his ear sending shivers down his spine. Heero could not believe how wonderful this felt. Duo's mouth made miracles and sent him right toward the stars. His hands were working on his pants while his lips would suckle his neck and collarbone. Soon those were off and far away from them. And Duo kept going further down but he would not let him have his way. He forced him up again and turned them around so he was on top once again.

It was Duo's turn to lose his pants, Heero's passion to strong to wait any longer to see the treasure his masculine body wise hiding under those clothes. Once there were off, he looked at him into those beautiful pools of purple, almost drowning in their depth. Oh yes, he loved him, just as much as he did, he could see it in his eyes, windows to his tormented soul, so much like his and yet so different. He kissed him with all the passion he could put into it, moaning into his mouth, tasting him fully. He left his lips a few moments latter, going down and lower, kissing his way, nipping here and there, liking him at some places, making him groan in pleasure. His hands were in his hairs, playing with the silken short locks. 

He finally reached his destination and got rid of the only thing keeping him from it. He kissed him, liked him, sucked him, driving him mad with pleasure until he begged for realise. Than he removed his own underpants, discarding them to some forgotten place in the room. He reached up to him and kissed him, deeply freeing all his passion and lust into this heated kiss. As he was entering he whispered his name in need, feeling almost too much. He felt pain but Heero's hands all around him were pushing it far away, leaving place only to fervour and love, making him feel things he never thought possible to archive. It was wonderful, it was almost overpowering, and it was all he needed and even more.

Their voice melted into one, shouting in unison their pleasure and joining into one erotic chant. And the more he moved, the higher the flew, straight to the sky, reaching for the stares, leaving all pain behind and be one being, one soul. Soon it was too much for the both of them and release came over them, powerful and overwhelming, making them reach the heavens as one. One last push, one more squeeze of the hand, one more kiss and they were there. Joining the dance of the clouds as they flew to the will of the wind, lost into endless pleasure of being there with the other.

Exhausted, Heero fell over him, his breath uneven yet a satisfied smile over his fatigued face. He rested a hand on his cheek, playing with the tiny hairs that had left the hold of his braid. Duo had a hard time catching his breath but it worth it, what a sensation, what an experience, if it was not for the fact that he could not move anymore, he would be at it again. He felt full again, no longer lonely and the need for all those false sensation was lost, though he was afraid he might need it again. The hold drugs had over ones body was something not even the scientist could completely explain and he feared it would come back, someday and that he would have to face it, alone. As if reading his thoughts, he heard Heero's voice, soft and soothing near his right ear.

"Don't worry, I'll be there to help you, even if I must die doing it…"

He smiled, content and for the first time in a long period, completely at rest and joyous. The old Duo was back and he would not go down again without a good fight! He fell asleep at the rhythm of Heero's breathing and feeling his gentle kisses and soothing movement of his finger in his hairs. Whatever may come now, he did not feared it, he was not alone to face it. He would always be there with him, helping him through in his own silent way. Now he could care, now things mattered, life mattered and he did not wished to forget it anymore. He was far more precious and better than any chemical chimeras. 

The end

a/n: I felt pretty bad putting Duo through that. Would someone please tell me if Duo's always the one to be in trouble when Heero is gone? I must confess that I never read a 1x2 so I don't know what its like… Anyway, please leave me a review to tell me if it's good, if it sucks or if I'm totally away from it and making a foul of myself posting this. Remember, reviews are for authors what food is for mankind, the reason of existence, or was it sex? XP Well see yah! Man I really could need some sleep, my back is killing me!!!


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